About Me...

So, I've been writing a lot on here. You know, here and there, maybe a few laughs. But I've been getting some requests to reveal who exactly is hiding behind that screen. Here goes.

Hi, my name is Maxine. I enjoy fine dining and taking long walks on the beach with my dog.

Hahahah not really. Fa seriush, now. I love mogul skiing. I'm a USSA Eastern Freestyle mogul competitor. Sounds fancy, eh? (Yeah, I've been to Canada too.) Umm...la la la...I like tacos. I write a lot. My favorite color is purple. I have two giant dogs named Porkey and Cloie. (Note to anyone who is thinking of purchasing a large dog: large dogs go to the bathroom. Largely.) I love sweatpants but wear jeans more often than not. I wear three necklaces at all times: my Best Friends necklace (I have the Best, she has the Friends), a piece of coral tied to a string (the wish I made when I put it on is supposed to come true when it falls off), and a fancy heart necklace my grandparents gave me. I loove Diet Coke, but hate regular Coke. It makes me mad when I order a Diet Coke and the waiter asks, "Is Pepsi okay?" No, Pepsi is NOT okay! Did I ORDER a Pepsi?!

Who even drinks Pepsi anyway? Neanderthals. That's who.

So there ya go. Can I get back to writing now, please?!

Plight of the White Dress

Walk into any department store and you'll see racks of dresses. Red dresses, yellow dresses, blue dresses, green dresses, dresses with stripes, dresses with dots, halter-dresses, strapless dresses, dresses with built-in bras, see-through dresses, dresses your mother would forbid you to ever wear, dresses your grandmother would absolutely die if she saw you wearing, dresses your boyfriend would sweat if he saw you wearing...the list goes on.

(Actually, those last three might fall under the same category. Just saying.)

But there's no white ones.The request seems simple. A WHITE dress. W-h-i-t-e. Not black. White. I mean, brides wear white dresses. La, la, la, here comes the bride...in a white dress.

A few months ago, I had to purchase a white dress for an event I was going to. (Yeah, I'm cool. I go to events.) Anyway, THERE WERE NONE. The only white dresses I saw were of the potato sack variety. Honestly, it looks like someone took those shapless straw bags straight from the farm, slapped a coat of white paint on it, and threw it onto the racks.

The other ones were glorified sheets: long, drape-y and gauzeish. Sounds kind of ethereal, right? Sure. If you're making an ethereal ghost costume for Halloween by cutting two holes out of your bedcovering and throwing it over your head. Boo.

So, here's a missive to the mall: get some lightly hued dresses in stock, and then we'll talk.

Ooh, Ahh, GaGa

America is obsessed with Lady GaGa, that pop sensation who wears rediculous costumes, fixes her hair into out-of-this-world styles, and shocks the nation time and time again. (Two words: The Grammys). Here's the real version of perhaps her most popular tune, Just Dance, written by none other than moi.

Just Dance
(Or Else)
By Lady GaGa Ft. Akon & Colby O'Donis
And Queen Maxine

RedOne, Konvict
GaGa, oh-oh, eh
It's best if we just tell you our names now. We'll be too wasted to remember them by the end of the song.

I've had a little bit too much, much
Jagerbombs! Jagerbombs! Jagerbombs!

All of the people start to rush, start to rush by
Ugh, am I gonna puke on my date again?

How does he twist the dance?
Do the hokey pokey, and turn yourself around...

Can't find a drink, oh man
WHERE'S THE BARTENDER?!

Where are my keys? I lost my phone, phone
I'm going to be locked out, fall asleep on the porch with my skirt around my ankles, and get woken up when the newspaper delivery boy hits on the head with the morning Times.

What's going on on the floor?
Lost my shoes again.

I love this record baby but I can't see straight anymore
What? Britney Spears?!

Keep it cool, what's the name of this club?
Mom will take away my wig if I forget where I am again!

I can't remember but it's alright, a-alright
Don't worry, girl. It's happened before.

Just dance, gonna be okay, da da doo-doo-mmm
Just dance, spin that record babe, da da doo-doo-mmm
Just dance, gonna be okay, d-d-d-dance
Dance, dance, just, j-j-just dance
I'm not really sure what's going on, so I'm gonna flail around wildly and spin in circles.
Yay!

Vivid Vocab #1: Letters

My English teacher once told us that poetry is the "perfect words in the perfect order." At the time, I thought that was the most profound statement ever. It was one of those sentiments that hits you like a big yellow schoolbus (Cady from Mean Girls..) and makes you soak up every letter in silence until true meaning is uncovered. Ever since, I've been forming my own personal collection of Wordly Wise-worthy words (alliteration. whew) to create a very cool personal dictionary. Have you ever seen the Princess Diaries movie when Mia's choir sings the song "I catch a falling star and put it in my pocket...never let it fade away..."? Well, I do that too, but I catch words, not stars.

I'll share them every so often.

Because this is all about nifty ABCs, the first edition is letter-themed.

missive: I saw this word written on someone else's blog and fell in love with it. It means letter or note. But to me, I think this is a kick-butt kind of note. Like, "Yeah, I'm writing you a letter, but if you don't respond? So what! I'm cool enough to not care, because I'm cool enough to use the word missive in the first place."

billet-doux: This was the Dictionary.com Word of the Day on Valentine's Day. I thought it was cute because it means love letter. ("Billet" in French means ticket or note). French is a romantic language, Paris a romantic place, billet-doux a love note...it just fits.

The Worst Blogger Ever?

Oh, hey there!

Well, I'm a terrible person.

Yes, that may be hyperbole, but no, I 'm not exaggerating that much. It's been a while since I've written a blog post. I know, I'm sorry! I've left y'all hangin'...and I feel bad.

The truth is, I've been doing some amazing things in this several month span. (You know, besides saving the world and all that.) I've teaveled to different states and even different countries; I've started another year of school (which is just riveting, believe me); and I've even managed to finally buy a new cell phone

So, please forgive me, and look out in the future for some upcoming things I've been concocting underneath my very large forehead.

Right now, I'm writing from Sugarloaf, ME, where I may or may not have torn my left ACL in a freak shmelting accident.

(Yes, shmelting accident IS from Austin Powers Goldmember. I'm not sure what it is, but it sounds cool, and I had an accident, so I'm using it.)

At least one good thing has come out of this. I spent $17.01 on cookie dough. Just cookie dough. Of the sugar variety, to be exact. (Which I don't plan to cook first before eating, mind you.)

Salmonella, be afraid. Be very afraid.