10 Worst Gifts of 2008

Ah, the day after Christmas. The day families across America clean up those mountains of wrapping paper and tissue strewn about their living rooms. The day kids everywhere finally relax those smiles of glee from amazing gifts they received and forced, fake smiles of glee from the gifts Aunt Pearl didn't exactly get right. This year, my family did pretty good compared to years past. (I never want to speak of the 2 knit turtlenecks I got two years in a row three sizes too big. Sorry Ma, I never "grew into them.") Maybe it's the bad economy. Maybe my family is just finally opening their eyes to my wardrobe choices. Even so, there were a few flat liners...

10 Worst Gifts of 2008
10. "Ski" pants. Seems fine, right? Yeah, until you peer closer to the label and read "Saltwater Fishing Pants."
9. How to Use Your George Foreman Grill by Judd Mackerel. Uh, I don't own a George Foreman Grill. And I don't cook, period.
8. Granny panties from Fruit of the Loom. You know, the ones your mom always bought you before you discovered Victoria's Secret. With the elastic. And the little bow. Size XL.
7. One-year paid subscription to African Birds and Birding. Oooh! Ahhh! Not.
6. A cream colored lampshade. No comment.
5. Cat toys. First of all, I don't have a cat. Second of all, they aren't even the squeaky kind! Ugh.
4. Brown colored contact lenses. I don't even wear glasses, and I already have brown eyes. Can't wait to test these out, Uncle Merv. Woo hoo!
3. One striped sock. Just one. Not the other. Oh, I adore this gift! I just can't wait to match this striped sock up to my polka dot sock! Then I'll be a real winner.
2. A birthday card, complete with clown, that read "Dear Louise, Hope you enjoy a wonderful Easter." Note to Aunt Betty: My name is Maxine, and it's Christmas, not my birthday or Easter.
1. The back to the Voyager. Not the whole phone, just the back piece that keeps the battery in place. Wow. I can't even begin to fathom how you managed that one, Dad. Way to go. What am I supposed to do, ask someone who has the Voyager (which I really wanted in the first place) if I can borrow their phone just to test out my cool new back? Yeah!